OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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