If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
