Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
