Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
