My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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