my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
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