apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
