Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
