i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
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