i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
