I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
