So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
