She went from zero to smokin in five shots
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Be still, my beating vagina.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
there is glitter all over my balls
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
