I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
