beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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