her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
