Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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