it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
