So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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