Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
