I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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