I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
