they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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