he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
