I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Be still, my beating vagina.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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