No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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