I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
