Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Congratulations! We have a period
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Shame - the story of my life.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
