I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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