i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
