I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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