look no pants
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
