wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
