i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
