i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
