i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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