They should really pass out barf bags in church
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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