Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
