My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
