Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
