I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
