Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
