So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
