the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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