I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
