I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
