wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
