you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
