what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
