y did u give ur computer a hand job?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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