I can't watch pbs sober anymore
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
my sisters under your porch take her home
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
