Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
