Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
