Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
