Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
