she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
