My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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