I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
This is the prime rib incident all over again
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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