How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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