My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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