sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
